Leaving "Normal"

Well, I had it for a few days. Now I'm on the "roller Coaster" again. I woke up this morning ready to do some damage, meaning yelling, screaming my head off.

I was in the land of dark, it was quiet, no one else had woke up yet. I thought maybe I should just chill, have some coffee get on line, do a little surfing and I will be ok when everyone gets up. Well I decided I would get some bills paid, that always makes me feel better, but no such luck there. Major low funds. That pissed me off. One bill, that's all I wanted to pay, one fucking bill. My chill factor was now getting warm.

My boys woke up, which actually made me feel better, they went their first night in their own bedrooms, major milestone! Especially for James, who moved down to the basement. You know that can be very scary:( He did great. So anyway....they are up, I was starting to feel better, then the fighting starts, I can't take the fighting, their screaming at each other, then I start screaming at them. So the chill factor is completely gone. Normal has left the building. I am a mess, I'm crying, they're crying, its a big cry fest. In some circumstances that would help, but not this time.

My mom comes over to our side (let me back up) she came over when I was staring at our bank account. Of course telling me things will be all right. She has done so much for me for us. I just want to be able to fix the problem myself. I will admit it, I need my mom! She is always there just to give me a hug. Sometimes that is all I want.

So now mom is there, the kids are there, I am there somewhere in the mix. Moms trying to fix, I'm just yelling as are the kids. AAARRRGGGG!!!!!!

Thats all for now. I am tired.